[ Chattering, Indistinct ]
[ Speaking Arabic ]
Yeah, yeah, Mac. Whatever you say.
There she is. That's the girl.
You look like a zebra.
I forgot the waterproof makeup.
[ Indistinct Conversation ]
[ Speaking Arabic ]
Everything set? It's in the car. Take the keys.
Give me the money. The cocaine's in the tires.
We sail in an hour.
I'll be back.
Carson.
Sir?
Now.
[ All Sniffing ]
[ Whistle Blows ] [ Speaking Arabic ]
[ All ] Cocaine! Cocaine!
Cocaine! Cocaine!
[ Man ] The arrest of a C.I.A. agent in Morocco yesterday...
has the capitol buzzing today.
A special senate committee has been called to investigate this incident.
The facts are incontrovertible, Mr. Ross.
One of your agents was involved in drug smuggling.
Caught red-handed.
As director of the C.I.A., what have you to say about this?
[ Indistinct Whispering ] Mr. Ross.
Mr. Ross, as director of the C.I.A.,
what have you to say about this?
Uh, Mr. Chairman, I-- [ Clears Throat ]
Excuse me. Mr. Chairman,
I haven't had the opportunity... [ Clears Throat ]
to review all the facts yet.
Mr. Ross, I am going to order a, um, full inquiry...
into this, um, nefarious activity.
I will expect you to appear before this select committee...
in 48 hours with the proper answers.
[ Clearing Throat ]
Y-Yes, Senator.
Mr. Ross, do you think they'll demand your resignation? No comment.
Is it true Burton Cooper will take your place as director? No comment.
Please. Ladies, gentlemen, please.
Mr. Cooper, will you replace Ross as director of the C.I.A.?
Well, I think anything I say at this time would be premature.
I mean, the director's been given 48 hours,
and I'm sure that by the end of that time...
there will be no doubt in anybody's mind...
what that man is made of, what he stands for.
What does he stand for? All right. I have nothing more to say.
- How'd it go, sir? - Great.
I haven't felt this good since I overthrew the government of Chile.
Ross is going to have that coronary he's been working on.
He never should have gotten the job in the first place. It should have gone to you, sir.
[ Buzzing ]
[ Beeps ]
Congratulations. Thank you.
Oh, Maddy, I need a transcript of that senate hearing.
Congratulations, sir. Thank you. You got him yet?
He just pulled up to Ross's house. Good morning. Turn it up.
I want to hear this.
[ Man On Tape ] I'm sorry, sir, but I can't imagine Cooper being director of C.I.A.
[ Man #2 ] Brown, I don't want to talk about it.
But you taught him every dirty trick he knows.
Brown, will you change the subject?
Come in, Brown. Come in. Wipe your feet.
I can never get over how beautiful it is here, sir.
Oh. Clean air, quiet.
Boy. Must be nice.
Yes, the country is wonderful. A haven.
You might say there's only one drawback-- the, uh, bugs.
You get them out in the country, sir? We have them in the city.
Cockroaches, mainly. Yes,
but the bugs here...
are more of a nuisance.
They can cause quite a serious problem...
if they're not controlled.
But that's enough about bugs.
Let me show you my latest painting.
There's not a lot of this particular artist's work around.
[ Ross's Voice On Tape ] You notice the brush technique, the abbreviated strokes...
which give great energy to the form?
What's most interesting to note is that in his earlier work,
he still emphasized drawing.
You can pick out the outlines and contrasts of tone and form.
Pick a period, such as this one.
Notice how everything becomes dissolved in a dazzle of light?
We can talk now. Wow. What a character Cooper is.
I mean, he's bugged your house, your garden. It's unbelievable. Brown!
I'm sorry, sir, but Cooper's such a professional.
He always has been.
I really thought we had him this time--
the marked money, the cocaine.
Well, Cooper's smart. You gotta give him that. He put it right back on you.
Maybe you'd rather work for him.
- No, no. - No. I didn't think so.
Anyway, Cooper had his fun.
Now it's my turn.
But I didn't ask you here to discuss art, Brown. No, sir.
There's someone arriving at 5:30 this afternoon at Dulles Airport.
I want you to meet him, but don't let anyone know what you're doing.
You can depend on me, sir. You'll need protection.
Take Agents Virdon and Reese with you. I trust them.
Brown, we've got to nail Cooper.
I need this person to testify on my behalf at the senate hearing.
He can clear up everything about Morocco.
I can't hear anything more.
Sounds to me like he knew he was being bugged.
Maybe. Maybe not.
Then we don't have much time.
Exactly 46 hours and 18 minutes...
to find out who this guy is.
Uh, sir, this man I'm meeting?
The one at the airport? Uh, who is he, please?
Pick anyone.
- I'm sorry, sir. What? - Don't ask me.
[ Director's Voice ] Brown, pick anyone.
Someone out of the crowd.
The more anonymous, the better.
Who you choose isn't important.
He'll be used to bait the hook.
All that matters is that Cooper swallows it.
[ Man Over P.A. ] United Airlines flight 179 from Denver...
now arriving gate 22-B.
[ Ross ] Brown, pick anyone.
It doesn't matter who.
[ Man ] Where's this guy coming from, Mr. Brown?
Flight 800 from Chicago now arriving--
- He's coming from Chicago. - He's coming in from Chicago.
What's this guy look like? [ Brown ] That's none of our concern.
The rabbi. Brilliant.
He ain't here for no bar mitzvah, right?
One of the Sony softball team?
What if he doesn't show? What if he got lost?
What if he's sick? What if you shut up?
The black dude?
The yuppie?
The nun with the shades? She's a narc, right?
There he is.
Which one?
The man with one red shoe.
Hello. It's been a long time.
[ Camera Shutter Clicking ]
Excuse me. I, uh--
I thought I knew you.
Richard! Richard!
Honey, he can't hear you.
Richard!
I-I just want to ask him something. That's all.
Why can't you ask him tonight? Please, Morris?
All right, all right, all right, all right.
Oh! Oh, I'm sorry.
Oh. Uh--
Excuse me.
[ Camera Shutter Clicks ]
Uh, ex-excuse me.
[ Woman ] Subject: Drew, Richard. Unarmed.
Buttock, right: wallet. Five dollars and change.
Quadricep, left: bag of nuts.
Foot, left: one red shoe.
Over.
[ Projector Carriage Clicks ] [ Woman ] He made a call from the airport.
[ Cooper ] To whom? His dentist. A Dr. O. Reuben.
872-1501.
Edgar.
F.B.I., K.G.B., MI-5, Interpol--
- [ Carriage Clicks ] - All negative.
None of our contacts has ever heard of Richard Drew.
Who are the two guys following him? [ Man ] Ross's men.
Virdon and Reese. We don't know which is which.
- How about the case? - It's just a violin. What difference does it make?
Why don't we just kill him?
No, Carson. There's a senate inquiry, remember?
The last thing we want to do is kill him.
What we do want to do is find out who he is and what he knows.
- Yes, sir! - Now, then. Anybody.
Why the one red shoe?
** [ Violin ]
Wait-Wait a minute. Wait. Wait, Dickie. Dickie.
How old are you? Six, seven, what?
Twelve, Mr. Drew.
You're 12 years old? Hmm.
Being 12,
you haven't really experienced very much of the pain...
or the suffering or the anxiety of life,
which you will, but in the meantime, you see what this says?
This says, "with passion."
Now, that means con amore.
Espressivo. Umph, huh?
I know you wrote it, Mr. Drew,
but can I go back to Schubert?
Sure.
You play conservative. Fine by me. Schubert it is.
** [ Complex ]
[ Yawns ] Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, okay, fine, fine.
Just slow it down a bit. I personally like to hear each and every note.
Okay? What time is it?
10:00. Hmm. 10:00.
Do you want to quit?
Why, I oughta--
All right. Just keep practicing, remember. Keep practicing.
Yeah. You, too, Mr. Drew.
[ Phone Ringing ] Give my best to your mom and dad, all right?
And hey! Remember, walk tall. You're in the string section.
Richard Drew. [ Man ] Hey, hey, Mr. Drew.
I believe we have some business to discuss.
Some shoe business. Some red shoe business.
If you ever want to see your other shoe alive again--
Morris, this is very, very funny.
You're slaying me here with hysterical laughter.
- But I had you going, didn't I? - Yeah, about as well as you did with those fake peanuts.
I have to go see my dentist today because of you.
Oh, not today, you're not. We're counting on you, and so are the Senators.
[ Richard ] Oh, yeah. All right.
Yeah, I'll be there. Damn it!
I would never want to disappoint the Senators. [ Line Clicks ]
Senate inquiry. I knew it.
Want me to kill Morris? No, no, Carson.
We can't kill him. We don't even know who he is yet.
You just get a car and a team ready. Stemple, Hulse.
Keep a tap on that telephone 24 hours a day.
Maddy, you take the sweep team,
and, uh, when he goes to the dentist,
go to his apartment, you check out everything, I mean everything.
Okay, let's go. Come on.
- [ Door Buzzes ] - What?
What? Sounds like another Morocco to me.
Oh, honey, will you give me a break?
Morocco was Morocco was Morocco.
Just don't want any cars dropping out of the sky.
Maddy, I'm not gonna hurt this guy. I have no reason to hurt him. Right?
I guess not. Okay?
Okay. Good girl.
Sam, call the motor pool.
Don't let Carson go before I talk to him, okay?
Come on.
Listen, I don't buy that peanut crap for a second.
I think it's a little strange the first person he calls is the dentist.
I think maybe he has a little microfilm concealed in one of his teeth.
- That old trick? - Right.
So take one of our dentists and get that tooth for me.
- How do I know which tooth? - Yeah.
Well, better, uh--
better just yank 'em all.
Let's go.
[ Reese ] Subject in transit.
Has changed his shoes.
Riding a bicycle-- 10-speed, I suspect.
[ Virdon ] No, that's a 12-speed. Peugeot Grand Prix.
How's he do that? I can't do that. Can you do that?
Now, where is he?
There he is. Stop the car.
[ Tires Screech ]
[ Man ] What the hell do you think you're doin'?
[ Car Horns Honking ]
His dentist is in 312.
Your target is the noon appointment.
I know what to do.
- Hi. - May I help you?
Hi.
[ Phone Ringing ]
[ Ringing Continues ]
[ Woman Groaning ]
[ Groaning Continues ]
[ Ringing Continues ] Hmm-mm.
[ Bell Dinging ]
[ Ringing Continues ]
[ Lifts Receiver, Hangs Up ]
Speak to Cooper? [ Cooper ] Yeah.
Bad news. He's changed his mind.
He's left the dentist. Looks like he's heading home.
Get ahold of Maddy. This guy's nobody's fool.
Look, I want you to keep following him, but change surveillance vehicles.
[ Phone Rings ]
[ Maddy ] What is it?
He's on his way back.
Got 'em all.
Get me some aspirin.
He's here! It's too late. He's back.
Pro butte, third strain.
** [ Humming ]
Welcome home, Mr. Drew.
I hope you don't mind. Your landlady was kind enough to let me in.
I know you. You're the woman from the airport.
Ah, you've got a good memory. Yes.
I'm with Landmark Tours.
We're conducting a survey of all the historic homes in Georgetown.
Well, congratulations. You happen to live in one.
That's the reason that you're here?
Yes. We're hoping to include this home in our tour. I don't think so.
I think you're here because of a much bigger reason.
I think it's fate.
Destiny.
Kismet. It's a--
It's a confluence of energies...
and powers far beyond those...
of mortal men.
Something wrong, Mr. Drew?
No! No, Mom!
I'm not watching TV! I-- I'm practicing.
I'm practicing!
Amazing. Usually one is sufficient.
[ Maddy ] His name is Richard Harlan Drew.
Born March 28, 1954, Altoona, Pennsylvania,
an only child.
Mother, Marion Rice, 55, schoolteacher.
Father, Gerald Drew, 60, schoolteacher.
Typical childhood.
His mother gave him his first taste for music.
At 16, Drew developed severe bronchitis.
Spent a year in a sanitarium,
lost his virginity to a student nurse.
Joined the Juilliard School of Music, full scholarship.
Continues to teach underprivileged children.
- Might as well have made him an archbishop. - They must think we're stupid.
Does he do anything besides play the violin? [ Maddy ] No.
He's an artist, an eccentric. Doesn't even know how to drive a car.
He's played with the Washington Symphony for the past five years,
and it takes him out of the country on extended tours.
He's played in Russia, Morocco, Berlin, China.
[ Cooper ] I knew it. That's a perfect cover.
Professor, um-- [ Whispers ] Chermenko.
Chermenko, what about that handwriting?
Ah!
Richard Drew is a very complex man,
filled to the breaking point with personality conflicts.
His violin is a substitute for severe anger and repression.
Sexual repression.
Yeah.
Yeah, you can see it in the eyes.
[ Groaning ]
[ Mumbling ]
[ Coughing ]
Hello?
Hello!
- [ Toilet Flushes ] - What the hell is that?
[ Toilet Flushes ]
The mike they planted in the toilet is too loud. Well, turn it down!
Yeah? If I do that, I'll have to lower all the others.
[ Flushing Continues ]
[ Car Horn Honking ]
Flushing the toilet? Why is he flushing the toilet?
There's got to be a reason why he's flushing the toilet, Carson.
I'd say he's getting rid of evidence.
Clever. Okay. Put a man in the sewer.
Come on! Let's go!
[ Honking Continues ]
What am I looking for? Find out where the pipes lead.
He may be sending messages to someone.
But why does it have to be me?
Because that's a direct order, Stemple.
Go! [ Muttering ] Ow!
All the alligator holes are marked!
[ Stemple ] All the what?
Let's get out of here.
[ Siren Blaring ]
** [ Violin ]
** [ Continues ] [ Knock On Door ]
- Who is it? - [ Knocking Continues ]
[ Knocking ]
What! Who is it? [ Woman ] It's me!
Me, who?
Richard, come on. It's me.
Oh. Why did you avoid me at the airport yesterday morning?
Uh, hello, Paula. I, uh--
[ Grunts ] Ahh!
Uh, Paula, I'm glad-- I'm glad you came by.
I think we need to have a little talk.
Oh, I want to talk too. After.
Well, here's the thing-- Paula, it's Morris.
I can't do this to Morris. Oh, don't talk about Morris.
All he cares about is his practical jokes.
I know, I know, I know. He's a percussionist.
But still, that doesn't mean that he's not a nice guy.
He may be a nice guy,
but you are a terrific Tarzan.
Paula, I don't want to do Tarzan.
I'm doing Jane.
[ Paula ] It's just Tarzan. What's the big deal?
No! Come on. I'll play all the other parts.
[ Richard ] All the other parts? Sure. You gonna do Cheeta too?
[ Paula ] If that's what it takes. Fine, but let me hear it.
[ Paula Making Primate Noises ]
Aah! Aah! Aah! Eee! Eee! Eee!
No, I'm sorry, but I-I can't.
I-I just can't.
Why?
Well--
I think it's because of Morris, Paula.
Remember Chicago?
Fate. Kismet.
No, I don't remember Chicago, Paula. You got me drunk.
So that's your final answer, then?
Yeah. Yeah.
Well, I can respect that.
- I can't condone it, but I respect it. - No. Paula. Will ya--
Oh, come on. Will you listen to what I'm saying?
[ Knock On Door ] Are you expecting someone?
Only your husband, Morris, to take me to a baseball game!
Morris? Morris!
- Where's your purse? - I think I left it in the living room!
[ Morris ] Yo, Richard! Come on, open up!
Yeah, uh, Morris, hold on, uh, pal.
I'll be done in just a second.
Getting dressed. Come on! We got to go!
You got to get out of here!
[ Knocking Continues ] Call me Tuesday.
Yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah!
Do you see what I see, Reese? Wonder what goes on in there?
Boy, that's the trouble with surveillance-- You don't get to see nothing.
Yeah, hi. Oh. One, two.
What is-- Oh, I should have known.
Here, quick! Think fast!
What is this? It's a box of cigars.
Make up for all those stupid jokes I've been pulling.
Oh. Thank you. It's all right. Listen.
These are very good cigars.
I want you to smoke one after you get a little.
You do get a little, don't ya?
Uh, yeah, a little, tiny bit.
Okay, come on! Let's go! All right, all right.
Come on! Give me five minutes.
Shake a leg. They're waiting for us!
What the hell-- [ Muttering ]
Second time around this sewer, and I haven't found shit!
Control yourself. Control yourself.
What would Gordon Liddy do?
No, I can't do that. I'm not hungry.
** [ Whistles ]
[ People Cheering, Applauding ]
[ Phone Ringing ]
- Yo. - Carson.
Hmm. Hulse, what the hell's happening?
Sir, it's the bottom of the ninth,
Senators are leading one to nothing.
Not that, you idiot. Where the hell is this fiddle player? Is he there?
Yes, sir.
[ Carson ] Well, keep your eyes open. I want to find out just how...
sexually repressed this guy really is.
Richard, wake up! What?
The ball! Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
What's going on? Hey, man, concentrate, will you? Concentrate.
[ Groans ]
[ Man ] Time!
[ Groaning ]
- Are you okay? - Hi.
The game's almost over. Tough it out, huh?
This man has been badly beaned.
You'd better come with me. Come on, Richard.
Hey, this is out of my hands.
Oh!
[ Richard ] I'm glad I saw you. I wanted to apologize...
for all that stuff about fate and kismet in my apartment, and for passing out.
I don't know. It must have been the heat.
[ Maddy ] Hurry up. You've got to get something on that immediately.
I think she's bringing him in.
Let's go in.
[ Grunts ] Virdon!
What?
Sorry, Reese. [ Groans ]
Let's hear that tape again. Maybe we missed something back at his apartment.
[ Paula ] It's just Tarzan. What's the big deal?
[ Richard ] No! [ Paula ] Come on. I'll play all the other parts.
[ Richard ] All the other parts? Sure. You gonna do Cheeta too?
If that's what it takes. Fine, but let me hear.
[ Paula Making Primate Noises ]
Aah! Aah! Aah! Eee! Eee! Eee!
Aah! Aah! Aah! Paula?
[ Primate Noises Continue ] Paula?
[ Richard ] O-Okay. Okay, okay.
So, you're-you're a great Cheeta. Paula! Is that you?
- Paula! - [ Paula ] Quit stalling, please.
- Now you do Tarzan. - Paula!
[ Richard ] Paula, I can't-- [ Hulse ] Hey, the other guy's behind us.
- What? - Yes, you can. I know you can. I'll help you.
- Paula, don't do it! - It always worked with Morris.
- [ Richard ] Ow! Ouch! Paula! - Paula!
He's breathing down my neck!
[ Richard ] Oh! Ow! No, Paula. Ow! Oh!
- Ow! Oh! Oh! - Paula!
- [ Richard: Tarzan Yell ] - Paula! Paula!
Paula!
Oh-h-h, shit!
It's never really been proven, but that's what they say.
That's interesting. It's a beautiful house.
Oh, thank you. Would you like something to drink?
- Yeah. Some orange juice would be really nice. - I don't have any orange juice.
Oh, yes, you--
No. I'm not thirsty.
Okay. Uh, I'm just gonna go get cleaned up a little bit,
so make yourself as at home as possible.
I'm in.
** [ Humming ]
** [ Continues ]
** [ Stops ]
** [ Resumes ]
That's it! Oh! Ew, yuck.
[ Spits ] Tastes like shampoo.
Y-You don't read sheet music, do you?
No. I never learned how. Oh.
Well, there's, uh,
there's nothing you'd really be interested in here, anyway.
Okay. Well, I was just looking at them. I hope you're not angry, or--
Richard! Paula's in love with an ambulance driver!
Hey, Morris, I'm a little busy right now.
Paula is making love in the back of an ambulance right now!
I'd better go. No! No, no, no, no, no!
Wait a minute! Wait! When-- When--
When will I see you again?
What is this about Paula? Paula--
I just heard her now making love in the back of an ambulance!
- What the hell was she doing in the back of an ambulance? - She was playing Tarzan.
She was doin'-- She was playing Tarzan!
- Tarzan? - Yeah, you know that Tarzan thing. I told you about that.
Puts on those little leopard things, you know. Looks real cute.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, do you do Tarzan?
The yodel? Yeah.
No, I can't get that high. That ambulance driver sounded like you.
What, may I ask, are you doing?
Calling your wife. Don't call her. She's not at home.
She's in the back of an ambulance right now. She's not at home.
Hi, Paula. This is Richard.
I'm here with your husband. That's very funny.
And he wants to talk to you. Very, very funny.
Who's speaking?
Paula? Uh, yes. Yes.
No.
I'm sorry.
Well, do you want me to pick you something up?
You know how I hate buying those things. All right, I'll pick it up.
All right. Bye.
- Who was that? - Paula.
Was she with an ambulance driver?
No, she's been at home the last two hours with her mother.
Yeah.
Well, I guess you just...
must have been hearing things, huh?
My bike-- It's broken.
How am I gonna get home? Why don't you take mine?
Huh? Take my bike.
Can I? Sure.
- Sorry about that chair. - Oh, that's okay.
It was, uh, really old.
[ Door Slams ]
[ Door Buzzing ]
Maddy, what's the word? Is he coming in?
I don't think so. You don't think so?
Did you offer him money? Did you try to finesse him?
It's a little difficult to finesse someone...
when he's got bubbles coming out of his mouth. Bubbles? What--
Honey, look. In exactly 19 hours and 59 minutes, this guy's gonna bury me.
- You're telling me you came up empty? You drew a blank? - I didn't say I drew a blank.
- Well, what are you saying? - There was something. I don't know if it means anything.
What? He tried to hide a piece of music from me.
What music? It looked to me like something he was writing.
Something he was writing. I don't know--
Ho, wait, wait. Let me think.
Musician. Music. Hiding music.
Wait a minute here. Wait a minute.
Isn't he playing a concert tonight? Yes.
Edgar, let me ask you something.
Is it possible for a musician to bury the music enough to pass a coded message?
I mean, just enough to make a difference, but so subtle that nobody else could tell?
It's possible, but he'd have to be a virtuoso.
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
Okay. Hulse, I want you to put a special mike on him tonight,
one that isolates everything that he plays from the rest of the orchestra.
Check. Carson, hook it into the GBLX-1000 computer.
GBLX? Yeah. That thing'll break any code.
But that's in control of our entire missile defense system.
Honey, please, will you-- What are the odds of the Russians attacking on a Thursday night?
Come on!
[ Creaking ]
Hmm. Hmm.
[ Rumbling ]
[ Shouting ]
[ Helicopter Blades Whirring ]
Got a 24-hour wiretap on his phone, sir,
and two men in a surveillance vehicle going around the block.
Excellent. But I think he's gonna catch on to your scam, sir.
Cooper's smart. He's been around. All those years in the field.
That's exactly why he won't smell anything.
He loves this type of operation.
He made the mousetrap himself.
All we did was leave a piece of cheese. Ah.
Uh, about this piece of cheese, sir-- Uh, what's gonna happen to him?
What? Wouldn't it bother you to send an innocent man to his grave?
Are you serious?
We're talking about my career.
But I'm the one who picked him, sir.
Don't tell me you're having a guilty conscience.
Uh, it was his shoe.
Uh, I could've picked a black man with a green raincoat.
He was-- Well, there was a Japanese guy with five cameras.
I could've picked him.
But I preferred the guy with the red shoe.
Brown, you're not being paid to be a philosopher.
Wait until you retire.
Tell Virdon and Reese to clear off and take a well-earned rest.
They must be tired.
But what am I supposed to do with the red shoe?
Save him for your memoirs!
** [ Classical ]
[ Loudly Drumming ]
- [ Grumbles ] - ** [ Stops ]
- Go ahead. - Oh, may we?
[ Baton Tapping ]
** [ Resumes ]
[ Chattering ]
Uh, yes, sir, we are. Batch processing that now with the GBLX 1000.
- [ Man ] What is going on? - [ Murmuring ]
- [ Baton Tapping ] - What?
This... evening, we are playing Scheherazade.
Would you care to join us?
Oh. Thank you!
Idiot! And--
** [ Resumes ]
[ Clicks ]
[ Ripping ]
- [ Loud Rip ] - [ Grunts ]
Here's where he varied from the program.
That has to be the message. We fed the notes into the computer.
"Fardebetgo engyo sefarogle." What the hell is this?
I don't know. Come on. Can't you see? He's rubbing our noses in it.
Wait a minute. Let's just pick him up and put an end to it.
Maddy. Maddy.
What is this? See-far-ogle or See-far-oggle?
Ogle. Ogle?
Could be oggle.
Thanks, keep it. Thank you.
[ Doorbell Chimes ]
Hi. I got this... note from you.
Please, come in.
Well, thank you.
[ Locks Clicking ]
All this--
Did you say something?
Um, uh, all this...
on just a tour guide's salary?
I'll let you in on a little secret.
My Uncle... Burt...
owns the company. Adorable.
That would e-explain it.
Why don't you come down here and sit with me on the couch.
I think you'll be more comfortable. Well, thanks again.
[ Loud Clink ]
[ Chokes, Coughs ] Are you okay?
You seem tense. Oh, no, no, no, I'm not-- I'm not tense.
No, not at all. Well, I did pass out today...
and got hit in the head by a baseball and brushed my teeth with shampoo...
and then butchered Rimsky-Korsakov in front of fifteen hundred people...
and my clothes fell apart, but, no, I'm not--
I'm not tense, no, no.
You need to relax, and I'm going to help.
Now, close your eyes. What?
Close your eyes.
Let all your thoughts run free in your mind.
Feel your blood flow. Relax.
Give up control. Relax.
Give yourself room to breathe.
Now, isn't that better?
Uh, well, I-I am a little hungry.
Oh. Let me get you something. Ow!
- What? - Uh, you're hurting my hair.
Oh. Oh, gee.
Ooh! Ow. [ Richard ] Oh, gee, um--
Hold on, I-- Okay-- [ Chuckling ] I gotta--
It's caught in my zipper. I'm sorry, it's stuck. Wait a minute.
Okay. Well, just-- [ Cries Out ] You're hurting me.
- You're hurting me! - Do you have scissors around?
In the bathroom. Okay, well--
[ Cries Out ] We have to go together.
All right, okay. All right, you don't get up, you just lead the way and I'll follow.
Okay? Okay, ready? Slowly.
- Slowly, slowly. Up, up, up, up. - This guy's out of a circus.
[ Cooper ] No, that's exactly what he wants us to think.
[ Maddy ] Step. Step! Not on my hand. Sorry. Sorry.
And step. Where is the bathroom again?
Step up and to the right. Where?
Up and to the right! Oh, I didn't see that when I first came in.
Okay, I'm good. Step. Ow!
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I thought you were with me.
Oh, okay, all right. Okay?
[ Richard ] Here we go. Here we go.
- [ Panting ] - What in the name of God?
What are you doing in here? You're supposed to be out there.
No, there's been a mistake. This man is not an agent.
- What does that mean? - Well, does he look like a professional to you?
Look, of course he doesn't look like a professional.
If he did, he wouldn't be a professional. Ow!
Now, come on. Get out there and finish the job.
Trust me, he's no good. Look at those eyeballs. This is ridiculous!
Take the pants and put--
[ Exhales ] Richard!
Yeah? Come into the bedroom.
Sure!
[ Glasses Clinking ] Come sit with me on the bed.
Sure.
Oh. Before we kill each other, please.
Sorry about that.
- No. - "No"? What no? Wh-What does she mean no?
I-I'm sorry. What's the matter?
I just don't want this to be just a one-night stand.
Believe me, Maddy, neither do I.
No.
Richard, I feel--
I feel as if you're keeping something from me.
Are you? Good girl.
[ Sighs, Clicks Tongue ] Mm.
Here it comes.
You're amazing, you know that? Uh-huh.
Yeah, I've been hiding something from you.
Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.
I've been meaning to tell you about it for quite some time, but I haven't had the chance.
But I guess now's as good a time as any, hmm?
Wait right here.
[ Violin Strings Plinking ]
He's coming back with a banjo or something. I don't know.
[ Clears Throat ] All right, this is it. Uh, I'm not just a musician.
But, um, well, I'm a composer too, of sorts.
I've been having problems with this one piece until you and I bumped into each other.
I'd like to play it for you and dedicate it to you.
Push the green button there.
** [ Tape: Classical Piano ]
He played that same music in the concert.
Really?
** [ Faint ]
[ Cooper ] No, no, no. Not the lights.
Thanks a lot, Maddy.
[ Beeping ]
[ Phone Rings ]
- Yes, sir. - Virdon, what's going on over there now?
He played the violin twice,
and now they're making love again, sir.
I see.
What do you want us to do, sir? Huh?
- What are your orders, sir? - I'll have to call you back.
He's calling me back.
Carson.
Liquidate?
I think so.
Hey, Maddy, look at this.
I don't believe it!
He's always one step ahead of us! Shit!
Good morning, sir.
I thought I told you to call off Virdon and Reese.
Oh, really? Well, I must have misunderstood you, sir.
- I told them to tighten up their surveillance. - You did misunderstand.
I'm sorry, sir. I've always obeyed orders.
I presumed you'd want to protect the innocent, though.
You presumed wrong, Brown. Things have gone too far.
The man with one red shoe is of no use to me anymore.
It's Cooper's turn to come onstage.
This affair will have to end in a shooting match. Just like all good spy stories.
Maddy, dear, these just came for you. Oh.
What's that? Oh, they're from him.
Oh! Probably bugged.
Bugged? These candies also arrived, sir.
Candy too? Hulse, check these out.
Do you know how long it's been since I got flowers or candies from anyone?
Don't have them delivered here. We might as well have a sign: "Spies, Inquire Within."
And I think you're falling for this guy. How do you like that?
Well, that's just absurd. I don't think so.
Sir, no bugs in this one. Good. Keep checking.
I'm picking something up at Ross's house. Let me hear it.
Give me one of those.
Good work, Brown. Cooper missed the violinist again.
As you know, I have an appointment at the senate committee this afternoon.
I see. The violinist has finished his report.
He'll fill us in at the hearing.
Some people are in for a most unpleasant surprise, Brown.
[ Grunts ]
Well, we gotta work fast.
Now then, does anybody here remember how to kill a man?
[ Phone Ringing ] ** [ Humming ]
[ Ringing ]
Hello. Maddy? No, it's Paula.
Oh... hi. Hi, Paula.
Who is Maddy? Maddy's that other girl at the concert, isn't it?
You're seeing this other girl, aren't you?
- N-No. No. Well-- - I'll do anything you say.
I'll-I'll leave Morris.
You don't even have to play Tarzan, you can just--
I can explain everything.
[ Grunting ]
** [ Humming ] [ Phone Ringing ]
[ Ringing Continues ]
[ Grunting, Yelling ]
** [ Continues ] [ Ringing ]
[ Grunting ]
I'm getting too old for th--
[ Clicking Tongue ] Don't even think.
[ Ringing ]
Paula, I'm really sorry, but-- Richard?
Maddy! Hey!
I've gotta leave the country and I can never see you again.
Wait-Wait a minute. Mad-Maddy, this is crazy.
Where are you? I'm around the corner. I'm in a coffee shop--
[ Richard ] Maddy? Hey, Maddy!
[ Door Closing ]
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah.
Come on, guys. We're all professionals. Easy.
What are we gonna do, shoot each other? Take it slow.
Come on. You have a pension plan? We have full hospitalization.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Here's some cigars. You guys smoke cigars?
What are those, Cuban? Forget it, Hulse.
Smoke a cigar, we'll talk this over like gentlemen.
- See? I'm smoking a cigar. - [ Explodes ]
- [ Grunts ] - [ Moans ]
She's-She's blonde, lyrically beautiful.
I don't think she ate here, but she did use your phone.
Oh, yeah. She was here, but she split. She split?
[ Popping ]
[ Virdon ] All right! We did it. No problem. Great.
Mr. Brown'll really be pleased.
I mean, he'll definitely make us permanent partners now.
See, what I do in a gunfight, Reese, is I stay loose.
We'll work together for years. I'll have a chance to teach you how to do this.
Take a long time for you to learn-- weeks, months, maybe even years.
[ Groans ] Just shut up.
[ Cocks Gun ] What do I owe you?
Uh, this one's on me, pal. I was headed this way anyhow.
Thanks.
[ Tires Screeching ]
Richard!
Morris, you okay?
I was just in your apartment. Uh-huh.
Was going to blow your brains out, 'cause I heard you and Paula on the phone.
Oh, ge-- I'm sorry. Morris, this is not the time to talk about this, all right?
There are three dead men in your apartment. Oh, yeah. Sure. Good.
Three... dead... men are in your apartment.
All right, Morris. Enough of the jokes, okay? This is not the time.
Three!
Come on. You gotta see this.
Look.
They're gone. They're gone!
Yeah. Richard, I swear, there was someone here.
Mm-hmm. Well, maybe they're under the rug. Richard.
- Richard, I swear, there were-- - Three dead men.
And yesterday, Paula was making love to an ambulance driver.
Looks pretty bad, huh?
I think you should have a drink, and I'm sure you'll feel a lot better.
Yeah.
I'll get it.
- I'm not thirsty. - Morris, come on.
Y-You're pale, you got the shakes. I'll get the drink.
I'm not thirsty, Richard. Don't go in there, Richard.
[ Glasses Clinking ]
I'm not well, you know. I'm not well at all.
- I have to pee. - Fine.
- Will you come with me? - Oh, come on, Morris!
[ Tires Screeching ]
[ Edgar ] Maddy, my dear-- [ Continues, Indistinct ]
[ Natalie ] Maddy. [ Edgar ] Get in the car, Maddy.
[ Maddy ] Edgar, I just wanna say you're making a mistake.
Don't worry about my mistake. You don't understand--
- Hey, Maddy! - Get into the car.
Maddy!
Hey, Maddy!
We've got her. She was trying to warn Drew.
I knew it, I knew it, I knew it! Damn it!
Turned her around. All right, I'll take care of the fiddle player.
You... better get rid of Maddy.
Too dangerous now.
[ Urinating ] [ Door Creaking ]
[ Urinating On Floor ]
Oh, come on!
Richard!
Come here. Here.
Stop. Now, turn around.
Edgar, that damn fiddle player is right behind us.
[ Tires Screeching ]
[ Horn Honking ]
[ Honking ]
[ Panting ] Uh-oh.
- [ Horn Honking ] - [ Man ] Hey!
- [ Woman ] Oh, my God! - [ Man ] Oh, God!
Come on back. Come on. You got it. Plenty of room.
Whoa! Ouch! Excuse me, folks. [ Man ] Are you okay?
Outta the way. Watch it, buddy!
[ Cooper ] This could be my lucky day.
Scratch one fiddle player.
Yes. Yes. [ Engine Starts ]
Yes, yes, yes, yes. [ Tires Screeching ]
[ Groans ]
[ Soft Gasp ]
[ Horn Honks ]
[ Edgar ] Well, I think we've lost your young man, my dear.
I say good riddance to bad baggage.
[ Horn Honking ]
- Good grief, there he is. - [ Natalie ] What's he doing?
- I believe the boy intends to ram us. - Waste him!
- [ Richard Yelling ] - We're gonna hit!
[ Yelling ]
- [ Tires Screeching ] - [ All Screaming ]
Maddy! Maddy!
Are you okay? Let's get out of here. Come on.
Look, let me just ask one thing. Never mind. [ Gunshot ]
Oh, no. No. No.
No.
Is there something going on that I should know about?
Richard, tell me, are you an agent?
- No. But I used to have an agent. - No, no--
Do you work for the government? Are you a spy?
No, of course not. I'm no more a spy than you're a spy.
Richard, I am a spy. [ Cocks Gun ]
[ Woman Screams ] You're a spy?
Ho-Ho-- Wait a minute, honey.
Maddy, all I want is the fiddle player, okay?
Hey-- Excuse me, sir. Would you mind turning that down for a second, please?
** [ Off ] Thank you.
Look, he's dead anyway.
I have no bone to pick with you. Really, honey.
Maddy, dear, don't be foolish. What do you think?
What do you say, honey?
What do you say, huh?
- [ People Screaming ] - [ Brakes Squealing ]
[ Alarm Blaring ] Jump!
Okay. Okay.
Okay. Okay!
Maddy! Maddy!
[ Shouts ] Oh, shit.
That's the man you're after-- Burton L. Cooper.
[ Grunts ] Civil servant... dumb morons!
Understand? I'm with you!
[ Grunts ] I'm a civil servant! Don't you understand?
He's doing so much better now.
They're giving him a lot less tranquilizers. Well, that's good news.
That is. Yeah.
Um, Richard, I-I wanted to talk to you about something.
Okay. Morris needs me now.
I just wanna do the right thing.
[ Tarzan Yells ]
[ Chuckles ] I, uh, gotta go.
Um, you're gonna be all right, aren't you?
Yes.
Bye.
Bye-bye.
[ Paula Imitating Primate Screams ]
[ Tires Screech ]
[ Ross ] And, uh, the man with one red shoe.
What's gonna happen to him? [ Brown ] Oh, he'll be just fine.
- And the girl? - The deal was her testimony for her freedom.
I think it was a fair exchange. Well, I don't think so.
Well, since you're no longer director of C.I.A.,
and I am, it doesn't matter what you think.